I say I'll Never Forget

But....I know I will.

8:00pm is my favorite time of the day.  One, because it's bedtime for Luke and Leta and I'm tired and ready for a break.  Two, because it's time to put Max to bed.  Every night he fusses at me as I put him into his sleep blanket that is laid out on the couch.  Then I nurse him and he immediately calms.  More often than not he relaxes and eats with his eyes closed, top hand reaching up to grab at his hair or ear.  Or my hair. As I shift him to carry him upstairs, he looks up at me with big blue eyes.  As soon as he's positioned he closes his eyes and begins to drift off to sleep, still making sucking motions with his mouth.  Too cute.  Every night I get to carry a sleeping baby up the stairs and into his room.  I kiss his cheek and say, "Goodnight, I love you.  Go to sleep I'll see you in the morning."  It is perfection.  These moments with them/him slip away so quickly.  I have a few more months of this at best.  When I walk up the stairs, I always think, "I'll never forget how this feels." or "I hope I don't ever forget these moments."  And I'm sad, because I know I will forget.  Or I will remember it, but it just won't be quite the same, and I won't be able to recapture these exact feelings.  Today, I'm feeling like it's just not fair that they have to grow up so quickly.  And it makes me sad.